I got to do a lot of thinking at YB camp this year. I don't know why, how, and when, but I came home realizing many things. There are so many different types of people. With different perspectives/views on things. Learning to respect everyone's wishes (no matter how bizarre they are!) is very important..I think. Faults. Everyone has them. Sometimes I just need to stop pinpointing other people's faults and focus on fixing mine. Focus. I need to focus a lot. Become a hermit during Junior year and then come out a year later and have everyone saying "Hey, where have you been?" hehe :). Focus on school/grades, SATI&IIs, volunteer, tennis/piano. Thazz it! My social life will be dormant for now, and will pick up sooner or later because I can do without...just for a year :D FUTURE. Out of state. Please. Haha I'm kind of getting realllly sick of so-cal/suburban area! :(( I don't want to go to a UC for college. A good private school will be nice :) but whatever I have to focus first! I also realized I'm really indecisive..on certain things. I make one decision and then I want something else. I wish I made the right choices at the right times instead of the other way around. Working at the hospital made me realize this today! Poor little boy :(. I have SO much studying to do-no joke. CHUNGS SAT: Vocab cumulative 1-4; Week 7; Grammar 1-22; Essay (x2). SCHOOL: Chapter 13 in LAW; History essay; In Cold Blood Questions; Last half of rhetoric. < < <>
Ugh. Confrontations are so hard. Especially when you have no idea what the other peson is going to say. Maybe you will get the guts to say everything you wanted to say to them all along. But then again, you might chicken out and they only get to say what they want to say. Maybe you don't get to say what you want to say because you end up feeling bad for the other person. Maybe...
I'm really unsure about everything. You confuse me every time I see you. I don't hate you. I don't love you. Maybe that's the problem. I have no idea how I should feel about you. You make me indecisive. You make me nostalgic. You make me wonder. You make me rack my brain until I pull my hair out! You make me cry. You make me laugh. You're my getaway when I feel helpless. But even still, I don't think you should be one to judge. So stop, please.
I love you to death, but you have to know your boundaries...
Name: Michelle
Date: 8/14/2009
Colorgenics Number: 46325107
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It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.
You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.
You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.
You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.
You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!
!! It's late and I'm going to continue later because I have so much more to say! :) Goodnight!
